Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

“…[When] I discovered Dr. McBride’s book, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? and began recommending it to my clients; the changes I saw in their recovery were amazing. It was as if a 100 watt shining light bulb had been lit in a very dark room. Beginning with Step One: “Acceptance and Grief” to Step Five: “Ending the Narcissistic Legacy,” I now had practical and insightful exercises to teach my clients how to set boundaries with a narcissistic mother, how to create healthy separation and individuation from mother, how to grieve and accept what they could not change, and how to reach inner peace through the forgiveness process. Because of the results I saw in my clients from reading Dr. McBride’s book, I decided to complete her training, Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, which expanded my knowledge in this field as well as providing clients with resources in the form of homework assignments to implement throughout their recovery journey.

I am very excited to be trained, certified, and actively using the 5-step recovery model of the Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Workshop/Training, and I am looking forward to continuing to help women recognize, implement, and heal from the pain of growing up with a self-absorbed mother.”

- Virginia Pignato

“McBride presents specific steps toward recovery that daughters of any age can use as they grieve for the love and support they didn’t receive…[McBride] provides parenting tips as well as advice for maintaining healthy love relationships and friendships. An excellent bibliography rounds out this revealing book, which ends on a hopeful and pragmatic note.”

- Publishers Weekly - STARRED REVIEW for Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

“Reflect on your pain, and then relish in your hope; that is the message I took away from Dr. Karyl McBride’s Will I Ever Be Good Enough? The clinical wisdom imparted by a trained marriage and family therapist, who herself is the daughter of a narcissistic mother, comes across with such richness and authenticity that this book should be on every family therapist’s shelf. It is written for the daughters, not for clinicians per se; however, both the daughters and their mental health professionals can benefit from the information presented in this volume. Practical, insightful and full of compassion, it is likely to help many women in ways that few other resources are able to do. Daughters of mothers with borderline, antisocial, and histrionic traits are likely to benefit from its caring, empathy, and practicality just as much as daughters of narcissistic mothers. This book is a gem, it truly helps the reader to reflect on her pain as well as relish in the hope that she can end the legacy of narcissism.”

- The Family Psychologist Bulletin of the Society for Family Psychology, Division (43), The American Psychological Association by Farrah M. Hughes, Ph.D.

“Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an amazing journey out of pain. Providing true professional guidance and clarity, Dr. Karyl McBride heaps in genuine love and kindness. This book is like having an ideal therapist, at your convenience, who really helps you heal self-doubt and self-rejection. Every page is milk and honey to your soul.”

– Tama J. Kieves, author of This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love (How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All To Have It All!)

“The long-term destructive consequences that narcissistic parents have for their children are well-known. Until now, however, there has been little in the way of helpful advice for those who were raised by these parents. In this insightful new book, Dr. Karyl presents a detailed examination of narcissistic mothers and the harmful effects on their daughters. She also offers practical, step-by-step guidance for working through these issues. This book is a terrific resource for those women raised by narcissistic mothers and looking for strategies for change.”

- W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., author of When You Love a Man who Loves Himself

“Narcissistic mothers are always there when they need you. They expect to be the center of attention, and they can be cruel if they don’t get what they want. Learning how to set boundaries with narcissistic mothers is a complex challenge. Dr. Karyl offers a step-by-step approach to understanding narcissism, setting limits on the abuse, and recovering from the psychological damage. This book is a must read for every woman living in the shadow of a domineering, self-focused parent.”

– Nanette Gartrell, MD, author of My Answer Is NO…If That’s Okay With You: How Women Can Say NO and (Still) Feel Good About It

“Will I Ever Be Good Enough? illuminates a very common and unnamed wound—the wound that results from growing up with a narcissistic mother. In this engaging book, Karyl McBride provides a clear, honest, and effective way to heal this wound and live life fully and joyfully.”

- Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom, The Wisdom of Menopause, and Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom

"Excellent clinical information about the effects of narcissistic mothers on their daughters, written clearly for all women struggling with this issue. The recovery section offers a rich variety of ideas and techniques to use in everyday life."

- Linda Vaughan, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor

"Dr. Karyl has broken new and exceptionally important ground in exploring a critical area in parenting. This book is must reading for both the professional and the layperson who want to understand and successfully address the life-long and potentially devastating impact of narcissistic maternal child-rearing. It is filled with useful information and recommendations presented in a readable form."

- David N. Bolocofsky, J.D., Ph.D. family law attorney and former psychology professor

"Dr. Karyl does a beautiful job of describing the many faces of narcissism. I found this book extremely engaging and easy to read, and yet it is also highly informative, practical, and structured in its treatment approach. This is a “must-read” for anyone dealing with a loved one who is narcissistic."

- Renee Richker, M.D. Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist

(Published on Amazon reviews) "The fact that Dr. McBride lived this makes it all the more meaningful. The book isn’t written in a straight-on clinical manner, but more as a guide to get you through the stages of having been born to a narcissist, including all the damage it did to you. But because she has deeply personal reasons, it’s almost like a healing spa for the wounded soul in us. There are no excuses made, but there are difficult steps to follow, each step taking a while. It’s ok to stay in a step, processing it for a while, but the point of the book is to guide you through to the next step.

The most unfortunate thing is that more therapists don’t practice this type of healing, or even help you recognize the damage your narcissistic mother did to you.

I bought the paperback, and then the digital download, as I wanted to be able to reference it on the go. But my understanding is that the audible is amazing, as it is literally in the author’s own voice, and some of the stories are hers, as she had to personally do this work for her own healing.

It’s incredibly validating to know that we are not alone, and that this insidious personality disorder is so common. Just look at all the reviews here with people saying they lived through this. The real crime is that the mental health profession as a whole doesn’t see this for the enormity that it is." -

- Anonymous 2019

"Excellent! A must read for daughters of narcissistic mothers. Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is a powerful resource for women who are seeking to understand and grow past their troubled, painful relationship with their narcissistic mother. Karyl McBride’s insights and observations ring true: she has been there and traveled this painful road herself."

- Amazon.com Customer

"Finally! Finally a book about narcissistic mothers that describes the subtle nature of emotional neglect and abuse and kills the myth that all mothers are benevolent! It’s hard to heal the narcissistic wound when it is a result of emotional neglect and put downs and there is no physical bruise or easy explanation like “my mother is an alcoholic." I’ve been in therapy for approx. 18 years and still struggle with a lifetime of never being good enough."

- Amazon.com Customer

"Ground breaking book. Rather than an esoteric view of maternal narcissism, this author has kept it simple, concise, and very easy to read. The point-by-point outline, stringers and explanations were to put it simply, brilliant. She interjected explanations to the descriptions of what a narcissist is, and thereby gave it a more feeling touch."

- Amazon.com Customer

"Oh my God was this worthwhile. Reading this book was an incredibly validating experience. I have never written a book review in my life but I believe that this work is essential for daughters of narcissistic mothers."

- Amazon.com Customer

“Thank you for being one of the few people that really understand narcissistic mothers. My journey to recovery began 2 years ago when I read your book which broke my denial about my narcissistic mother. I have studied psychology and have friends whose mothers I could tell were narcissistic, but mine was only a bitch. Your book shattered my denial and I realized that my mother was as well. It was the paragraph to the effect of I have been fed, clothed and sheltered, but why do I feel so bad, that did it for me. I did the exercises you offered but couldn't understand why I didn't feel much better. Anyway, I ended up working out that I am actually codependent, of course all set up in childhood with a dysfunctional family with a narcissistic mother at the helm. Here in Australia, it is difficult, even impossible to find a psychologist who truly understands how dangerous narcissists are to their victims and virtually impossible to find anyone who understands and treats codependence. I only found one place in Sydney. Anyway, I am now 2 years into my recovery, am passionate about becoming a better parent and halting the intergenerational cycle of abuse. I wanted to you how grateful I am for all your hard work and that I found your book. This journey has changed my life and it all started with your book. So thank you for the huge influence you have had on my life half a world away!”

-A reader from Australia

“Your book is amazing. NEVER have I been able to understand my mother. I feel such enthusiasm knowing, IT’S NOT ME! I can make changes and not feeling as if I am not disregarding my own feelings. I, not only am seeing a new light, but a new beginning. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you!”

- M. V.

"If you have a troubled relationship with your mother, this book is for you. I have read many books about narcissism, and this one is of particular help because it deals so much with the mother relationship. I feel AT LAST someone understands the hell and torture I went through. And Karyl McBride's website offers a wonderful webinar to start down the road toward recovery. I have been in recovery for awhile now. I am recovering from the lack of attachment with both my mother and father due to both of them being narcissists and living in a family suffering from the effects of my grandparents' alcohol addiction on both sides. And with all the work I have done and will continue to do, this book offers some special comfort and understanding. Dr. McBride, thank you so very much for your vital and important work. My gratitude for you and your book is epic. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU."

- Beth

“Wow! Twenty plus years of therapy in one book with a map of how to navigate the healing process and Dr. Karyl’s voice of comfort, care, and understanding that is healing in itself. This is a book about hope for people who feel hopeless.”

- NB

“Dr. Karyl’s book has a comforting, caring, and hopeful message that exposes daughters to the emotions they missed growing up. The personal stories shed light on the confusing isolation that daughters of narcissistic mothers have felt was their own personal world of sadness, guilt, and hurt. It is a book of healing that deals with an insidious disorder that flourishes in shadows. Dr. Karyl has managed to put twenty-plus years of therapy in a book from which all can benefit. Not just daughters of narcissistic mothers but those they try to talk to about their experience and have never been able to make themselves understood.”

- SP

“Daughters of narcissistic mothers have led a life of emotional isolation. It is one of secrecy, fake identity, and withdrawal from their own needs. In this book, the personal stories of countless daughters reassures the daughters that they are not alone and frees them from their speechless prison.”

- AM

“A much needed book at a critical time. The confusion that narcissism bestows on its victims must be explained in a way everyone can understand. Narcissism flourishes in lack of light because daughters are unable to explain how and why the emotional damage was so great. Dr. Karyl does that in a way no one else has with personal stories of daughters themselves. McBride’s personal voice of comfort, care, and hope rings true in this book and is perhaps the greatest healing factor of all. Those are three things daughters of NM’s have never experienced and the missing and healing piece of the confounding narcissistic puzzle.”

- KB

"I have just finished reading your book ; 'Will I ever be good enough?' I wanted to write and thank you, as it felt as if you were speaking directly to me. I have known for a long time that I have a difficult relationship with my Mum but have never considered it in terms of narcissism. It was very clear when I started reading, that my mum has many narcissistic traits which made it very difficult/impossible for her to empathize or meet my needs.

I have always felt that she despised me. This has had a devastating effect on me and my life. I have hated myself for 50 years. I have two daughters of my own and have struggled to be a good parent. My adult relationships have been very difficult too.

The good news is that I have started on the road to recovery. I have been having therapy and recently had a breakthrough, when I got in touch with how much I hated my younger self. When my therapist asked me to use the 'empty chair' technique and bring my younger self in the room, I couldn't even bring myself to look at her. For the first time, I could feel the strength of my pure hatred for her/me. It was truly shocking. When my therapist asked me to tell her/me that it wasn't my fault and that I was only a child, I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

Gradually the feeling of hatred has softened and changed. I see now that I was only a child. I have empathy for her and I think I am beginning to love her. This has had a major impact on me. I have had lots of therapy over the years but, until now, although I understood some of the issues in my head, it didn't change the way I felt inside.

Your book explained so much to me and put into words what I needed to hear. I'm not imagining it or being over-sensitive. I didn't get the love, empathy and support I needed to grow and flourish. It wasn't my fault. Your book validated my feelings and my experience. My mum didn't have what she needed to parent me. My relationship with my mum is not so emotionally-charged any more. I am not twisting myself all out of shape to try to get her approval. I am civil but I don't share my emotions or personal things with her.

Now it's time for me to really commit to my recovery. I am going to use your book to guide me and your voice to be my friend and ally. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for writing the book. Know that you are speaking to people directly and changing lives.

With love and gratitude,"

- SM

Imagine a person who has an ailment and has gone to the doctor or multiple doctors for years to get help and can never get the right diagnosis or treatment. They continue to live with the ailment for years feeling like there is no hope, no resolution and at times they are either a bit crazy or selfish for wanting to feel better, yet never quite giving up on finding an answer. Then one day they go to a doctor who understands the problem, diagnoses the problem and tells that person there is a solution. There is an actual name for it and a reason for why they have felt this way. After all the years of dealing with it, they now realize that there truly is a cure for the ailment and there is hope, understanding and relief. That is how I would describe my experience with you, Dr. McBride.”

- Anna

"I spent most of my pre-teen, teen, and early 20’s in therapy. Twelve years of therapy and I was still struggling with how to relate to my mother. An angel brought Dr. Karyl into my life, and the conversations I had with her literally changed my life! I had spent years and years battling with depression, wondering why I was never good enough to earn my mom’s affection. I felt empty inside and nothing I did seemed to fill that void. Dr. Karyl listened to my life story and then gave a name for the hell I had been living through for so long - narcissistic personality disorder. It was like a huge bag of bricks, that I had been carrying around for as long as I can remember, was taken from me. But she didn’t stop with just confirming that my mom had this illness. She helped me navigate through the stages of recovery, letting me know that the range of emotions I was experiencing were completely normal. Three years later, I have learned how to successfully interact with my mother. So much so that we’re getting along as she plans my huge wedding, something I never thought could happen! I do have set backs now and then, but I broke the vicious cycle, and I am now able to accept what my mother is and what she isn’t. I am so grateful for Dr. Karyl’s guidance, she gave me my life back. Her book will give a voice and hope to those who have suffered the pain inflicted by their mother. But best of all – it gives you solutions so that you can break out of the cycle and take charge of your life.

- Tomi, age 28

"The syndrome created in daughters of narcissistic mothers lurks in shadows with dull, unpredictable edges. Dr. Karyl shines a light on those shadows and defines the syndrome making it an entity to be dealt with rather than a quiet, pervasive cloud of fear. While the effects of this damaging upbringing never entirely go away, they can be seen for what they are and minimized to a degree that can be dealt with effectively. Dr. Karyl’s own personal style of psychotherapy is perhaps the greatest gift of all. She is upbeat, down to earth, and centered all at once. Daughters of narcissistic mothers have never had their feelings acknowledged and the result can be children who have built a thick wall around their emotional selves. Dr. Karyl, in her own quiet way, helps break down that wall. Clients trust her because they know she truly does care. She sees the gold in people and helps them to see it in themselves. I am very grateful, and consider myself blessed, to have her in my life."

- Allison, age 52

"After you discover and name what your life as a daughter of a narcissistic mother was and is, you are devastated, confused, lonely and yet somewhat relieved. Dr. Karyl is able to not only help you identify what happened to you and validate it, but she helps you to slowly navigate through all the emotions that come rushing in – and lets you know through her own personal experience that there is light, and life on the other side!"

- Kate, age 36

"I am my own worst critic." These are the words I lived by me entire life. What will people think of me? What if they think I am stupid? What if I’m not pretty enough? What if…what if…what if!!! Then I met Dr. Karyl McBride and my “what if” changed to “so what." Believe me writing it is much simpler than living it. The deep rooted narcissistic abuse I lived every day with my mother defined me. I allowed it to define me. I allowed it to run my life, stop me from living my dreams and from feeling and experiencing true love. I am so grateful for my therapeutic time with Dr. Karyl. Understanding how the maternal narcissism I grew up with has controlled the rest of my life as an adult, and then actually changing this for myself, has been a flight of freedom for me. I can’t wait until Dr. Karyl’s book comes out. There are so many of us who need this book. I wish more people had access to the therapy she offers here in Denver as it certainly changed my life in ways I never dreamed possible."

- Shauna, age 42

"Dr. Karyl has given me priceless tools that continue to help me through the deep-rooted narcissistic abuse, so I may live a happier life with myself, my son, my husband and family. I have given up the old hope of getting my mother’s love; maybe it’s easier now that she has passed. In turn, the love in my heart is overflowing and more powerful than I ever imagined possible."

- Kimberly, age 33

"An extraordinary event occurred in my life which led me to Dr. Karyl McBride. The care I received from Dr. Karyl was beyond my wildest dreams. I felt like I was a book she had already read and she knew my deepest secrets, secrets I didn’t even know I had. For many years Dr. Karyl has helped me see my life though a different set of eyes. She taught me about narcissism and what it is. She taught me how to recognize it and how it has applied to my life, over and over. The most important gift she gave me and taught me was that no matter what I did in my life, whether it was extremely wonderful or horrifying, it would never change the way my mother is. That the love I hoped for from my mother wasn’t ever going to happen the way I wanted it to. The best part about all of this is that I learned that IT’S NOT MY FAULT!!! I’m not a victim, I am a survivor with a lifetime of education."

- Confidential

"For many years I thought I understood the relationship between me and my mother. In the beginning our relationship when I was a child, I could have received a perfect report card or all blue ribbons on field day at school, and the common response from my mother was “Oh, that’s nice honey…” I never felt like I was ever doing anything good enough. I tried harder and harder, but the responses were the same. Later in my teens I went the rebellious route. I strived for horrible grades, I stayed out late, and lied to her. These usually ended up with no responses except she would call her friends and talk about how terrible I was. Then her alcoholism came into play. I was repeatedly reminded of my “bad” behavior from when I was young and told that I wouldn't make anything of myself. That I should just find a wealthy man and marry him because I could never have a future or career. When I was older and got engaged, I showed her my 3 carat diamond ring and her response was, “Well, I hope you're worth it.” I still strived and would tell her of my accomplishments no matter how large or small they were. Usually she replied with telling me about something great she did, or about where the next cruise was going to take her or how much money she had. Honestly through all of this, I thought this was normal. I never saw what the relationship was really about. I knew I hurt inside and I felt empty and unsuccessful but I didn't understand it."

- Confidential

“I want to thank Dr. McBride for the [virtual] workshop. I can’t tell you how much it helped me when I took it. My mom is now in assisted living so she’s not the issue for me she once was, but made my life pure hell for years. The workshop helped me so much. It’s the first time I’d considered my mom was a narcissist. It helped me during a very, very difficult time. Her work is amazing. It changed my life and gave me sanity and ways to deal with my mom that finally were solutions, ones I’d never considered before.” –Anonymous

-Anonymous

“I have purchased your video series and your book. I am working my way through both. My journey often feels like an exhausting swim upstream. Your book has been heart wrenching, strangely kindred, helpful, and deeply painful. I strive every day to be resilient, to be a balanced and thoughtful role model to our children, a loving and supportive partner to my husband and an inspiring teacher. Thank you for providing great questions, ideas to further guide my reflections and ultimately for bringing hope. Thankfully I am gifted with a supportive husband and together we are growing our understanding. We first viewed the videos on our own and then together. I send my heartfelt appreciation to you for making this life-saving work available. I appreciate your knowledge, your kind and accessible presentation, and your courage.”

- JS

"To say 'Thank you' feels a bit inadequate. There is nothing I value more right now than having someone understand, to explain, to support and then to show the way forward. That is what you have given to me. What a gift."

- KM

"Thanks so much for your course - I loved every minute of it. I didn't want it to end."

Workshop User

“Fear is the number one dynamic used in narcissistic mothering. Dr. Karyl shines a light on this fear of the unknown, confusing and sad repercussions of being a daughter of a narcissistic mother and sets us on a path to healing. The first step to healing is being able to identify the problem and that is what daughters are unable to do. Dr. Karyl understands and articulates the problem and sets daughters on a path to recovery.”

- CA

“What a miraculous weekend this was! I feel as though I was on an island with people who understand me and it’s hard to leave. Thank you for your insights and encouragement.”

- Conference Attendee

“This has been an incredibly informative and empowering experience. How amazing and magical to learn and talk openly about this crazy-making way to grow up. You have such strength and courage. Bless you. I’m filled with gratitude.”

- Conference Attendee

“I feel grateful for this gathering of beautiful women, for the validation, education/information, empathy, love, kindness, safety, and humor. The conference was superbly planned and executed by wonderful sassy women. Thank you for making it available and reasonably priced. I had an ignoring NM. I’ve never felt more visible in my life without also feeling uncomfortable. Visible and comfortable. Wow! Thank you and Peace.”

- Conference Attendee

“Dr. Karyl, thank you so much for teaching me the tools I need to be a better person and hopefully break the legacy with my children. This weekend I felt like I belonged. I saw sisterhood and understanding in the eyes of every woman I encountered. Thank you so much for providing this precious authentic opportunity and for this vital gift of work that you’re sharing. I wish you all the best!”

- Conference Attendee

“I feel so loved and have a real blueprint for healing from the sick legacy. Your empathy and kindness shows throughout your whole staff. I am truly blessed.”

- Conference Attendee

“Dr. McBride, I appreciate the love and care that went into this workshop. I was a little shocked that I was the only male participant. However, I received a ton of validation, support and education from you, therapists and fellow participants. Great venue and I’d like to see a few more men at the workshop.”

- Conference Attendee

“Dr. McBride, It’s been a great workshop. I felt more comfortable and connected than most any other time. You are really warm, giving and a true inspiration and pathfinder. What a relief to finally be understood and to learn how to cope more successfully with this difficult relationship. Your staff was wonderful – all very caring and helpful. The food, hotel were great.”

- Conference Attendee

“It has truly been a blessing to be surrounded by such a wonderful group of warm, loving and kind women! I feel stronger for being here and ready to embrace my life on my own terms. Thank you so much for bringing this insidious dis-ease to light. I hope many more sons and daughters of narcissists find your book and begin on the road to recovery. Big hug.”

- Conference Attendee

“I have gained a deeper insight, greater knowledge, and clarity of narcissistic behavior and feel empowered by all your suggestions. It has always been my goal to act rather than react in distressing situations with my narcissistic mother. I am much more confident now of the changes I plan to make in myself as well as the changes I have already made to live happily and be me, authentically.”

- Conference Attendee

“I loved the workshop!!! It was positively a life-changing event for me that left a tranquil awareness within. It felt so wonderful to actually hear, see, and meet other women who share this common bond with me.”

- Conference Attendee

“Thanks superb job! Thanks so much for an amazing conference. It was just great to so quickly pick up on the amazing healing energy and momentum exhibited by everyone there. It’s an amazing thing you have started Dr. M. and I am so grateful for your courage and dedication to this as it has been unbelievably and extraordinarily helpful to me during a rather eventful year and evidently had the same effect on the group today.”

- Conference Attendee

“I am a therapist by trade and attend many conferences since I am in love with learning and, of course, to earn CEU’s for my license. I went this time to not only receive another perspective on my deep core wounds from my family of origin issues with a NM but also to gather some tools as I sit with women who are ravaged and often self-LESS due to their lack of mother-daughter bonds. I was taken aback by how well the whole thing was done. So many touches from picking an incredible site to literally cheering us on as we bravely re-confronted, accepted, and continued to face the reality of our deprived upbringings. I loved your ability and sense of presence as a leader. You seemed so present, patient, thoughtful, and never rushed. (So many conference leaders appear to be either on auto-pilot or burned out.) I really sensed an inner strength and deep level of empathy coming from within you. You were sure asked some hard and intense questions and never once dodged or dissed an attendee or gave them a quick answer. Such a great role model for me as I also am growing as a teacher and leader. I really felt you “get it.” This is rare, sadly even in our psychotherapeutic field. How rare to engage and be taught by someone who appeared so present…and humble, and may I add, witty! As for the material, incredible. I also appreciated the option of getting to process alone. I so needed the time to go within my own self and not have to “share space” with other women. I will give special time to the questions you prepared as there were so many that command more time and focus. Thank you for preparing all of those.”

- Conference Attendee

“Thank you so much Dr. McBride. We are blessed to have you to assist us on our paths. Blessings to you in all you are manifesting. You have changed my life and pulled me from isolation. Warmest regards.”

- Conference Attendee

"Thank you so much Dr. McBride. We are blessed to have you to assist us on our paths. Blessings to you in all you are manifesting. You have changed my life and pulled me from isolation. Warmest regards"

- Conference Attendee