Here is a recap of Dr. Karyl McBride's interview with Tama Kieves author of Inspired & Unstoppable on Facebook, Monday, December 2nd.
Dr. Karyl McBride: The age ole question: why did you write this book? What was your inspiration?
Tama Kieves: I wrote the book I was desperate to find in a bookstore. I’d left a career as a Harvard-trained attorney and I’d already written my first book, This Time I Dance! But I wanted to know how do you stay inspired and believe in your dreams, when challenges come up? I’d read all the “7 Easy Step” type books and I felt like I was FAILING self-help! They made it sound so easy. I wanted someone to talk me through the doubts and help me listen to my own inner genius, so that I could find my own way, not a mechanical way, to succeed.
Dr. Karyl McBride: You are such a rock star. You know how much I love you and how much you have helped me. If we were to think what is the most important thing we want our readers to know today, what would you say to this?
Tama Kieves: Whoa, I’ll take that, dear one! So for our readers, I want you to know this: Your creativity isn’t frivolous. Your dreams are electric. Your desires are imperative. They’re a calling. You are infinitely loved and empowered by a Source of Genius within you. The same Brilliance that gives you your dreams will also inspire the means, if you listen. You have your own way to succeed. This is the walk of your lifetime.
Dr. Karyl McBride: Given step three of the recovery model from Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers …This is about becoming the woman or man you truly are. Not allowing others to define you. To define yourself and to rock from your own talents and gifts and honor what God has given you. How can you help us with this? What advice can you give? I know loaded question! But so important!
Tama Kieves: What you know when you’re inspired---that’s what’s true about you. Everything else is fear. The path of living your wildest dreams is the path of following the voice of love inside you more than the voice of fear. It’s following what makes you feel alive, more than what makes you doubt yourself. You have your dreams for a reason. They’re your invitation to discover your true self. And you are so much stronger than you know.
Dr. Karyl McBride: What do you have to say about external vs. internal validation? We so need internal and forget external…sorry to be so blunt, but really? We all need to get this! Anything wise to say from my super power biz coach on this one?
Tama Kieves: I could write for days on this! So here’s the deal. When you’re looking to please others, you start to compromise your own desire. When you compromise your true desire, you compromise your strength. You won’t have the stamina to continue. You can’t ROCK genius and look over your shoulder at the same time. You have to look into your heart. And when you learn to trust yourself, you fall in love with yourself. The talent claims you. The gift empowers you. You will experience your own strength. When you’re blazing from the inside out, it’s not as tempting to get the validation of others.
Dr. Karyl McBride: I have to talk about love: adult children of narcissistic parents learn that love is about what you can do for me and what I can do for you. So distorted and not love at all. I think love is about filling our own tanks first, so we have something genuine to give others. Any thoughts on this?
Tama Kieves: Yes, and the BEST way to fill your own tank is to listen to your heart’s desire. Your creative desires, your talents, any form of self-expression will help you discover your own amazing essence. When I write books, I honor my truth. I feel myself. I fuel myself. Writing both my books has been the greatest act of self-love I’ve ever known. And both books have become best-sellers and blessed thousands of others. My self-love is healing to others as well as me. And the BEAUTIFUL thing about creativity is that I have to be kind to myself, because creativity comes from self-care.
Dr. Karyl McBride: We need to find us, right? Without that…what is life? Life seems to be about our own passion and purpose. Then we can help others.
Tama Kieves: I don’t think I was really living until I started to honor my passion. Before that, I was just forcing myself to go through the motions. But now every day has meaning for me. I’m not in “bliss” all the time. But I have a deep sense of peace. This is my definition of wild success. I’m doing the right thing with my time on earth. I’m using my gifts. I’m having the ultimate love affair with my Inspired Self.
Dr. Karyl McBride: What is the most important question that people ask you, Tama? I know you work with those who are trying to find the real authentic self.
Tama Kieves: Most important question: Where can I buy your book? Okay, I’m teasing. I think the most important question is often how do I believe that I can do my dreams? I have 2 quick things to say. One, stop listening to negative “advice” even if it sounds “practical.” The other, start doing something you love now. Taking a tiny step will give you energy and experience. It will help you feel connected and excited, and then you’ll keep going.
Dr. Karyl McBride: I am particularly tired of others defining us... many adult children of narcissistic parents are under this spell. How would you say we need to stop the spell of others telling us who we are and what we should do? Is there nothing more annoying? How can anyone know our particular path and our particular mission? We are all unique and have our own paths. No Comparisons. No Competition. Just follow your own path.
Tama Kieves: Absolutely! I have a chapter in Inspired & Unstoppable called “Experts, Schmexperts! No One Knows the Secrets You Hold” because your calling is an unparalleled path. This is an inspired journey. You are meant to succeed in your own way, and you discover that way by following your heat. I’ve become a “national visionary career expert,” by IGNORING experts and business advice every step of the way, and trusting my excitement instead.
Dr. Karyl McBride: Do your clients say: “I don’t know what I want” and “I don’t know the real me,” as mine do? I never believe it really. I think it is fear holding them back. They do know, but it is scary to allow your authentic self to show up, make a stand and speak the truth! Very!
Tama Kieves: Oh yes! And this isn’t only true of children of N mothers. I constantly hear “I don’t know what I love. I don’t know what my dreams are.” Usually this means I’m afraid to trust what I love. I want you to ask “What do I love?” NOT “What do I love that makes money or what do I love that I’m not too old for or don’t need a degree for?” I want you to forget conditional questions and just ask “What would I love to do?” Don’t try to plan out your whole life. Just take one step. I promise you, you will discover who you really are, by following what you really want.
Dr. Karyl McBride: My biggest challenge and I think that of others as well is accepting a leadership role. What inspired you to take the road less traveled?
Tama Kieves: I had outrageous success as a Harvard-trained attorney in a big law firm, but I felt empty. I knew there had to be something more. Finally when I left law to become a writer, my life went from black and white to COLOR. I found myself. And I found a way to feel beloved in this Universe. I lead, because I don’t want anyone else to deny their gifts, their genius, or miss the life that means everything to them. I also lead because it’s helped me grow a tribe of thousands of soul family and have the best conversation of my lifetime.
Dr. Karyl McBride: How do you define success? I think we get hung up on that in this culture!
Tama Kieves: For me, wild success is the feeling that I'm doing the right thing with my time on earth. It's feeling as though I'm expressing all that I am (which is an awesome feeling of self-love), I'm honoring and listening to my inner voice, and I'm giving my gifts to the world. I can't tell you how grateful I am when I receive all the feedback from readers or workshop participants. It's amazing. And, even when I'm not being received externally (which i still prefer!) I know I'm doing the right thing. I'm listening to myself in this lifetime.
Dr. Karyl McBride: People ask about fear a lot. How do you overcome fear when it is a huge barrier?
Tama Kieves: I think you have to do this gently and for the rest of your life. It's worth everything to do, because you have so many miracles to experience! I had to learn how to be kind to myself and self-loving. I literally had to learn how to talk to myself this way, and coax myself this way. I have a technique I use with all my clients, that's in my book Inspired & Unstoppable called Inspired Self Dialogues. You write your fear. Then you write back from the most Loving Self you can imagine. You may have to make this voice up based on anyone who has ever said loving things, or based on what you would say to your best friend or your child. (You can download a video on the technique on my website www.TamaKieves.com) But mostly overcoming fear is about learning how to listen to a kinder voice within that encourages you. It’s the most important thing you can learn in this lifetime!
Dr. Karyl McBride: Who or what was your greatest inspiration so far in this life?
Tama Kieves: I am very influenced by A Course in Miracles, a spiritual psychotherapy program about living in love instead of fear. I've been teaching it now for 24 years! It basically says it is one path of many by which some people will have access to their own inner authority. I had a hard time with the language of the material, and the density, but the message has continued to rock my world. It has helped me feel a deep sense of having a relationship with a Loving Intelligence that loves me more than I can imagine, and inspires me to be as loving and alive as I can be in this lifetime. I could also cry with absolute gratitude at the miracle of what my own creativity allows me to do and experience in this life.
Dr. Karyl McBride: Thanks so much Tama for being with us today! Great interview about such an important topic for all. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and let's touch base soon!
Tama Kieves: Thanks! These were GREAT questions and I know that many of us wonder about these things. I'm so excited to know that our conversation may just spark some amazing soul out there to pick up a paint brush, enroll in a class, or do something they've always wanted to do. That thrills me. Thank you Karyl for being the VISIONARY that you are, going through the challenges you've had to go through to walk this path and guide others. Your work is opening so many doors for others, healing hearts, and changing legacies. LOVE to you and HAPPY holidays (are they really here already?) And thanks to all your readers too!
Tama Kieves, an honors graduate of Harvard Law School, left her law practice with a prestigious corporate law firm to write and help others discover and soar in their life’s work. She is the bestselling author of This Time I Dance!Creating the Work You Love and most recently, Inspired & Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life’s Work! Featured on Oprah radio and Martha Stewart Living radio, she is a sought-after speaker and visionary career/success and book coach, who has helped thousands world-wide to discover, launch, and thrive in the life, calling and businesses of their dreams. Learn more about Tama online: Website, Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube